


'But I'm not good enough, I'll break her."

by FicNess



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Very mild post natal depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 14:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8848978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicNess/pseuds/FicNess
Summary: "Drabble request. Louis freaks out about being a mom, Harry - as always - makes it all better."





	

Louis kissed his baby daughter on the forehead and slowly lowered her into her crib. She was breathing softly and milky sweet from the feed she’d just had, her mouth moving slightly and occasional happy noises coming from her. Louis loved those moments where he curled up in the rocking chair in Amelie’s room, a blanket over him and the little girl snuggled in to his chest, her tiny hand pressed against him, as she ate. When she was nursing he could never take his eyes off her beautiful blues that he was sure would turn green, and the tiny pink bow of her lips, milk lined and content. He sighed as he watched her wriggle around - just like him actually - until she was comfortable, a few sleepy noises coming from her. Before long she was settled, fast asleep and looking so happy Louis felt his chest ache. He reached a hand into her crib, his dainty fingers brushing her soft cheek. He felt his breath hitch in his chest as he took in the sleeping perfection in front of him and before he knew it he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“Lou?” He hadn’t hear Harry walk upstairs and appear in the nursery doorway.

Louis sniffed and tried to fight off the urge to cry, but as Harry walked forward and enveloped him in his arms he lost it. He was soon full on sobbing. How could he properly talk to something as precious as this? Harry cooed and shuffled over to the rocking chair, drawing Louis with him. At the chair Louis collapsed into Harry’s lap and buried his face in his neck, the sobs wracking his body.

“Aw Lou,” Harry pressed a kiss to the top of Louis’ head. “What’s wrong?”

Harry looked Louis all over, seeing no signs of any injury, and he wasn’t showing the discomfort in his chest that he sometimes did when his milk supply was a bit too copious. He wasn’t running a temperature, Amelie was fine, the room was tidy and comfortable, he wasn’t leaking - because that was a guaranteed when it came to reducing Louis to tears.

Harry was completely at a loss as to what was wrong.

“Lou, baby, please.” Harry snuggled down a little and pulled the blanket from the arm of the chair. He wrapped it tightly around them both creating a cosy cocoon. “What’s wrong love? This isn’t like you.”

Louis shook his head, more tears spilling onto Harry’s collarbone.

“Babe, I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Louis just gripped Harry tighter and carried on crying.

Harry let one hand drift to Louis’ hair, gently stroking through the soft strands, and the other stretched around to his back. He began to rub soothing circles in to his back while stroking his hair, the chair rocking gently under them. Louis stayed where he was, the rocking and petting starting to soothe him, and eventually his sobs died down to sniffles which eventually died down to hiccuping breaths until those too died down to nothing but soft breaths.

When Harry felt his boyfriends’ sobs stop and gentle breathing replacing it he placed a kiss to the top of his head. “Come on babe, talk to me.”

Louis drew in a shaky breath. “It’s just … Well … I mean … I’m a shit mom!”

Louis buried himself into Harry’s neck again and started to sniffle. Harry hugged him tightly. “What? Where did that come from! Louis, you’re an awesome mom.”

“N … No I’m n … not.” Louis sniffed and wiped a few tears from his eyes. “I can’t give her everything she needs.”

“Lou, you already do. She needs love, food and a safe place to live. All of which she gets from you.”  
Louis shook his head violently and started crying again.

“But what if I get it wrong? What if my milk isn’t good enough? Or I hurt her arms or legs when I’m getting her dressed? Or I drop her? Or I don’t notice her crying during the night and she sleeps all night in a wet nappy and gets nappy rash and …”

Harry shut Louis up by a gentle kiss to his mouth. Louis immediately stopped crying and his eyes fluttered closed. Harry pulled away from the gentle peck and pressed their foreheads together.

“Lou, you’ve been feeding her for three weeks and the health visitor is really happy with the way she’s gaining weight and the way your milk is flowing. You are so careful with her all the time and …”  

“But …”  

"Lou, shush and just listen ok?”

Louis sniffed again and Harry moved him so they were eye to eye. Louis nodded, wiped his eyes and took two deep breaths. “Ok.”

"Answer these. Yes or no only.” Louis opened his mouth to make an objection but Harry placed a finger to his lips. “Yes or no only.” Louis huffed in frustration but nodded. “Good. Right. Question one. When she’s crying and you hold her does she calm down?”

“Yes.”

“Have you hurt her once since we brought her home?”

Louis looked indignant. “No!”

Harry lips lifted at the corners. “Do you feed her whenever she needs feeding?”

Louis got a soppy grin on his face, feeding her was just his favorite thing ever. “Yes.”

“If she safe and comfortable?”

“Yes.”

Harry was smiling by now. “Do you love her?”

Louis bit his lip, trying to hold back a smile. He was smitten by her, completely and overwhelmingly so. “Yes! Why would you even need to …”

“Yes or no, Lou.” Louis sat back and folded his arms, huffing out a breath and rolling his eyes. “Do you love me?”

Louis mouth dropped open. “Of course I do you twat!”

Harry grinned. “Then you’re the best mom ever. Stop stressing, right?”

Louis took a deep breath and relaxed into Harry. “Ok.”

“It’s normal to feel overwhelmed you know. We created a baby, a new life that’s totally dependent on us for everything and that’s terrifying. But we’re in the same situation as every new parent. And do you realise how lucky we are? We’ve got our parents, our whole families actually, the boys, Lou. All the help we’ll ever need. We can do this and she’s going to grow up to be an incredible person.”

“Yeah.” Louis smiled a little, the corners of his mouth quirking up.

“And if you keep feeling like this maybe we might need to go to the doctors. Post natal depression could make you feel like this.”

“I’m not …”

“I’m not saying you are. It’s just something to be aware of, you know, if you’re feeling really bad.”

“Ok,” Louis sighed, snuggling down even further into Harry’s arms.

“Right.” Harry stood up with Louis still in his arms. He made a squeaking noise and flailed for a second before throwing his arms around Harry’s neck. “I’m taking you to bed.” Louis wiggled his eyebrows. “Not for that, idiot. You need cuddles and sleep.” Louis hummed his agreement. “Did you express?”

“Um … Yeah.” Louis blushed and Harry raised an eyebrow. “Might have managed three small bottles. Seemed to be a little full today.”

Harry let out a boom of laughter then immediately looked over to Amelie’s crib. She wriggled around for a few seconds then calmed again.

“I’m taking the night feeds.” Louis opened his mouth to object but Harry stopped him with a peck to the lips. “Yes, I know how much you love nursing her but you need sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning with a good nights sleep.”

Louis nodded rubbing his cheek against Harry’s broad shoulder as Harry jiggled him a little so he was in a better position. He smiled all the way to the bedroom.

And if Harry’s resolve broke once he had Louis I’m just his boxers and spread out on the bed … Well, maybe Louis needed that just as much.


End file.
